i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
