I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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