I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
