Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
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