all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Can I color on your dick again?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
