Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
