So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
