I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
