And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Bring me that man meat
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
