i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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