im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
