Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
