just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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