Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
