The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
