My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
