I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
