i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
