If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
