Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
