kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
