i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
