Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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