allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
