You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
