There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
her vagine was all disorganized.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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