I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
