Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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