if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You're like the curious george of whores
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
