I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
