I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
