i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
