What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just pee around me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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