You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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