my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
