Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
