cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
