I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
