I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
How external is "for external use only"?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
