Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
