a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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