Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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