these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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