I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
