By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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