Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This baby is an asshole
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
