I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
