today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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