Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
