if you like me you must not know who I am
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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