I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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