I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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